Male's sexual pleasure and orgasms - bumps, accelerations and relationship pressures!

What does a man think about sexuality and pleasure in this fastpaced wheel of life with full of performance pressures? What about a man's pleasure, satisfaction in a relationship and orgasm? Who is talking about it-or is anybody?

In this blog, I sum up observations on the theme of male sexuality. These findings have been compiled from the materials of my thesis as a sexual counselor (Male orgasm - factors affecting orgasm, sexuality and lovemaking, 2022), in which I had access to authentic answers related to male sexual pleasure from just under 800 men in Finland*.

Acceleration to the peak of pleasure - Pressures do affect orgasms

There are many different factors that influence the success of men's orgasm, lovemaking and sex, as well as the experience of sexual pleasure and desire. A recipe for a proper, permanent and frequent orgasm cannot be built directly from the findings of this research. However, here are a few observations compiled from the men's responses.

The importance of achieving orgasm and sexual pleasure in men's sexual life is multidimensional and important. Certain and recommended courses of action to achieve optimal pleasure, based on this research data may not be raised, but perhaps observations on the issues described by other men, will strengthen your own thougths on sexuality. The findings of performance pressures, stress, the crippling effect of worries, and the importance of good relationship dynamics for achieving pleasure and orgasm in the everyday life of men are confirmed by this survey. We received very accurate descriptions of the problems associated with orgasm and what key factors affect the experience of successful lovemaking, erection and reaching the peak of sexual pleasure.

By focusing directly on men's experiences, new research based information, thoughts and descriptions of sexual life, pleasure and the relationship factors were found. Hence, these findings do not reveal the whole truth - after all, sexuality is a very personal thing, anchored in the deepest part of the human being. I hope that these findings will give you more courage to think about your own sexual pleasures, aspects of wellbeing and analyse, what these findings mean in your daily life. 

In my mind, I would like to... - Managing the everyday life

In the light of the answers, capability to experience orgasms was influenced in everyday life by psychological and physiological factors, as well the surrounding social environment. By better understanding these factors, it is possible to explore one's own sexuality, to deal with problem areas so that orgasm, as part of sexual pleasure, could more certainly materialize, both for the man himself and for his partner.

Based on men's experiences, a wide range of key factors affecting sexual pleasure, having an orgasm, and inhibiting and pressurizing sexual function emerged. Men's experiences about sexual performance pressures played a significant role in one's own sexual pleasure and, ultimately, in reaching the peak of orgasm. The pressures were caused by, among other things, the performance focused sex and the performance pressures associated with intercourse. Many also experienced pleasure-hampering tension, which had an impact on the reliability of the erection, the durability in lovemaking, and finally having an orgasm.

The difficulties to get there

The pressures and stress of everyday life had many effects, and the sensations experienced varied in different situations and also interacted closely with the partner's behavior, emotional connectivity and men's own feelings during lovemaking. The inability of men to detach themselves from everyday life, to put worries aside for a while and to live in the moment -and to devote time to making love and having sex in the middle of their busy daily routines, impacted negatively on orgasms.

Performance pressures were experienced both in terms of one's own sexual performance and in terms of satisfying the partner. The experienced vague relationship dynamics between couples also hindered the enjoyment of sex and made it difficult to get aroused. Difficulties in experiencing pleasure were also related to coping mechanisms, the ability to control everyday life and to detach oneself from fatigue. Difficult life situations, as well as depression and mood swings also hampered sexual pleasure.

There were also negative effects of the everyday hurries and worries experienced by the partner, which could make it difficult for the partner to relax and dedicate time for sex and experience pleasure in close interaction with their partners. The findings highlighted the importance of emotional connectivity and its' effects of relationship life. As a result of the negative circle, uncertainty could follow about the durability of the erection and the success of the orgasm, as well as about one's own sexual attractivity in relation to the partner. Also men wanted to be wanted by their partners. After unsuccessful lovemaking and difficulties getting an erection, the pressure got even worse.

Male's are not sexmachines!

These findings serve as a reminder that even a man is not tireless, always horny and constantly ready for sex and lovemaking. The findings provide an authentic story of the importance of managing real life pressures. The more the pressure,  the stronger the effects of stress can have on sexual pleasure.

As a sextherapist, I courage couples to be proactive and maintain their sexual connectivity constantly alive. It's very common that everyday life and routines begin little by little  to bleak couple's life and paralyze the sexual acitvity and spark in the relationship - therefore it' is highly important to be proactive, take the time to maintain emotional and sexual connectivity with your partner. When facing problems, you should seek help to unload the burden with a professional. Sexual problems very seldom go away, hence they seem to accumulate more problems in time. 

Human sexuality, desires and preferences vary and change during your lifecycle and this gives also hope, that things can be improved over time. I would love to see that sexuality, couple's sexlife and emotional connectivity could also be subject to annual maintenance check - together or separately.

The following direct male quotation says more than a thousand words about sexual pleasure and orgasms:

"The quality of orgasm varies. Sometimes it is a volcanic eruption, and sometimes a small bump on the highway. Orgasm-seeking is pointless. It will or will not come. Enjoyment is the most important thing."

• This qualitative was compiled in 2018 through an online survey under the leadership of Prof. Osmo Kontula. The respondents were readers of the Helsingin Sanomat newspaper's website, and anonymous responses were received from about 1000 men.